Here to Create

We are here to create not merely survive.

One-Track Mind

It’s time for my annual blog post! I don’t even pretend anymore that I’m going to blog regularly from now on, but that’s ok.

I can only focus on one creative endeavor at a time. I haven’t been writing lately; I didn’t even do NaNoWriMo this year. I started the sequel to Sword and Knife and realized I was in over my head. I hadn’t, of course, revised hardly any of the first book. I hadn’t even resolved all the loose plot threads. And I had other things I wanted to do that month. So I dropped it. In the past, this is the kind of failure that would crush me, but now I don’t perceive it as a failure. I just put other priorities first. I’ll get back to the writing. I always do.

Blue baby hat

Now to the exciting part! I’m knitting! I know not everyone finds that exciting, but I need something creative to do, always, or I get antsy. Sometimes creating stuff with my hands is the best way to exercise my brain. Knitting is very process oriented with lots of specific directions to follow, so in that sense it’s easy. But it involves training my hands to do what my mind tells them to do. And wrapping my brain around diagrams and abbreviations. I love it.

I’m still doing simple stuff, but I have a list of favorited projects a mile long in my Ravelry account (you have to get your own account to look). I took a beginning knitting class, which was wonderful when I had questions like, “what the hell did I do now?” I finished a cute little blue baby hat the other day, which was rather thrilling, even after I realized that I’d been knitting through the back loop instead of the front. So it’s a twisted stockinette stitch instead of the regular one. Works just fine. Next, I’m working on a hat for me and a dishcloth (pictures and progress in the sidebar). I’m using circular needles for my hat, but the pattern is otherwise easy. The dishcloth has a lot of counting but simple stitches. I like the balance of something new, something a bit challenging, and yet projects that are do-able, even for a beginner. No pressure. I like it.

I also like the social aspects of knitting. My Saturday morning class is a great group of people, and many of us go to a Thursday night knitting group as well. A few of my coworkers are also interested in knitting, and it’s fun to hang out with them outside of work.

So I’ve put my writing aside for the moment because my mind is set on “knitting mode”. My stories peek in from time to time to see if there is any room for them, but there doesn’t seem to be for now. And that’s ok. I’m having fun, and I’m creating. That’s all I ask.

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Flailing Around

I’m in a bit of a rut. Or maybe it’s a plateau. Whatever it is, I’m stuck in place, spinning my wheels and not producing much of anything.

I’m stuck on some aspect of four different stories. I’m overwhelmed by the revising I need to do on Sword and Knife so I thought, ok, I’ll work on something else for a while. And that worked for revising and submitting a draft of Devil, a short story. But now I’m stuck again. I went back to Nyx with the hope that being away from it for six months or so would help me figure out what’s wrong with it. And maybe I have, but I still don’t know how to fix it. So I skipped to another short story, about vampires. And remembered it has no plot, as well as a host of other problems. I gave it a plot, but now I’m overwhelmed with worldbuilding. So I turned to a newer idea I had a couple of months ago, nicknamed Nightwalker. And I’m thrashing around with that too.

It hasn’t been that long since I wrote something from scratch. Just November, in fact. But it’s like I’ve forgotten how to build a story from the bottom up. And it’s driving me crazy.

This is one of those times I have to remind myself that I’m writing because I like it, not because I expect it to bring me fame and fortune. I don’t even want fame, though I wouldn’t mind the fortune. But sometimes I’m disappointed when it seems like I haven’t gained any ground, like this newest story is just as hard to write as the last.

I have to slow down, take a deep breath, and remind myself that I’m learning, and it’s ok if I don’t learn each new skill at the same rate. All stories are different and they all take different skills to write. So I’m in a phase right now where I’m learning a lot. It’s not that I’m stagnating, it’s that I’m working away at the problems in the back of my head and thrashing them out on a computer screen.

Instead of expecting perfection or even readability with each new project, I need to slow down, breathe, and just write.

I know this, and yet I resent that I have to chant those words like a mantra every time I hit a new plateau.

Breathe. Write. Breathe.

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