Here to Create

We are here to create not merely survive.

One-Track Mind

It’s time for my annual blog post! I don’t even pretend anymore that I’m going to blog regularly from now on, but that’s ok.

I can only focus on one creative endeavor at a time. I haven’t been writing lately; I didn’t even do NaNoWriMo this year. I started the sequel to Sword and Knife and realized I was in over my head. I hadn’t, of course, revised hardly any of the first book. I hadn’t even resolved all the loose plot threads. And I had other things I wanted to do that month. So I dropped it. In the past, this is the kind of failure that would crush me, but now I don’t perceive it as a failure. I just put other priorities first. I’ll get back to the writing. I always do.

Blue baby hat

Now to the exciting part! I’m knitting! I know not everyone finds that exciting, but I need something creative to do, always, or I get antsy. Sometimes creating stuff with my hands is the best way to exercise my brain. Knitting is very process oriented with lots of specific directions to follow, so in that sense it’s easy. But it involves training my hands to do what my mind tells them to do. And wrapping my brain around diagrams and abbreviations. I love it.

I’m still doing simple stuff, but I have a list of favorited projects a mile long in my Ravelry account (you have to get your own account to look). I took a beginning knitting class, which was wonderful when I had questions like, “what the hell did I do now?” I finished a cute little blue baby hat the other day, which was rather thrilling, even after I realized that I’d been knitting through the back loop instead of the front. So it’s a twisted stockinette stitch instead of the regular one. Works just fine. Next, I’m working on a hat for me and a dishcloth (pictures and progress in the sidebar). I’m using circular needles for my hat, but the pattern is otherwise easy. The dishcloth has a lot of counting but simple stitches. I like the balance of something new, something a bit challenging, and yet projects that are do-able, even for a beginner. No pressure. I like it.

I also like the social aspects of knitting. My Saturday morning class is a great group of people, and many of us go to a Thursday night knitting group as well. A few of my coworkers are also interested in knitting, and it’s fun to hang out with them outside of work.

So I’ve put my writing aside for the moment because my mind is set on “knitting mode”. My stories peek in from time to time to see if there is any room for them, but there doesn’t seem to be for now. And that’s ok. I’m having fun, and I’m creating. That’s all I ask.

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Priorities

Priorities are an odd thing. When I was a kid, I was frequently told to remember my priorities. Thing was, they weren’t my priorities. They were things that I had to do, like homework. But I did listen to that advice, just not in the way my parents wanted me to. My top priority when I was a kid was reading. So that’s what I did all the time.

Now that I’m an adult, I have to bow a bit to my parents’ ideas of priorities. No one else is going to make me get to work on time or buy groceries so I don’t starve. When I graduated from college, all these adult responsibilities descended on me like some flying nightmare. And I’ve been struggling to identify my true priorities ever since.

I suppose it has something to do with self-actualization and Maslow’s hierarchy of needs (which has always made sense to me, though I’m aware that it has been criticized). As little as I like to admit it, the basic necessities (food, shelter, sleep) do have to come first. And next, according to Maslow, is security, like employment. And then love and self-esteem. And only when someone has achieved all these things is there room in life for creativity. Practically, I recognize that this is true. If I spent all my time worrying about being unemployed or unable to keep my little family going, I’d have no energy for creativity. But if I were making my own hierarchy, I think I’d put creativity right after food. Because if I don’t have the opportunity to create, I’m still hungry no matter how full my belly is.

All this is very poetic, but like everything else, it comes down to day to day, moment to moment decisions. What should I do with myself today? What am I going to do in this very next moment? Can I write for another fifteen minutes and risk being late to work? Can I read for another hour or two at bedtime and be completely exhausted tomorrow? What are my real priorities? Unfortunately, I don’t have an answer for that. Not yet.

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