The problem is, none of the words are related to the revision I’m supposed to be doing. There’s nothing like something I’m supposed to do to give me a million ideas for other things I want to do. Until I start the project I supposedly want to do, and it becomes something I have to do and I don’t want to do it either.
I can’t decide if it’s self-destructive or just misguided stubbornness, but once I tell myself I really need to get busy with revisions or homework or laundry or whatever, that’s the signal for my brain to shoot off in a dozen different directions. As long as I keep procrastinating, I’ll never run out of ideas. And I don’t really expect the procrastinating to stop.
One thing I do right is seizing those ideas when they appear, no matter how distracting they are. I carry a little notebook with me everywhere and I’ll whip it out anywhere. Some of my most productive thinking happens in bed or in the bathroom. If it weren’t for the wasted water, I’d write in the shower. I start writing the minute I get that spark in my brain that tells me this isn’t just daydreaming but a character talking to me, because if I don’t pin them down, the words will flit away and I’ll never find them again. So it’s a good thing to write when I get inspiration, but it’s bad that it only seems to happen when I’m supposed to be doing something else.
I finished a major project for grad school a couple of weeks ago. I’d been writing a lot in the weeks before that, but it was guilty and reluctant. The words wouldn’t stop pouring out of my brain, but I knew I was supposed to be doing something else and that made my brain want to disengage. It made even writing under the influence of inspiration feel like work. But as soon as the project was done and the weight of it was off my mind, writing became a joy again.
The day after the project was done, I spent all morning in bed freewriting, just writing crap until it all bled away and the good stuff bubbled to the surface. Even in my freewriting, I usually feel pressure to eventually get around to the good stuff, but this time I picked up a notebook just because there was stuff in my brain that had to come out. No expectations. And it felt good. I haven’t looked at it to see if there’s anything usable there, but that’s not the point this time. The point is to move past the “shoulds” into actually doing something. I didn’t put any pressure on myself, and the words came through.
Now if only I could trick myself into revising the same way.
